As a woman in my mid-thirties, I feel a sense of urgency amongst my single friends. While it was perfectly fine to be single in our twenties, being single in our thirties, seems to be a place that no one really wants to find themselves. I know that I have that little voice that is constantly reminding me that the deeper I get into my thirties, the less likely it is that I will experience. Actually, more than a little voice, it is the voice of my doctor, my mother, and some of my friends! This “last-call” for motherhood, can be a contributor to the fear of being single, but Hollywood and life have proven that being in a relationship is no longer a pre-requisite for becoming a mother, so why the urgency? Why the fear of being alone?
For me, the fear of being alone stems from believing that alone is not a good place to be. Being alone meant that no one loved me, that I was incapable of being loved! It took a long time and a lot of work to realize that even when I am physically alone, I am never truly alone. With the work that I have done on myself, rediscovering my spirituality and my connection with God, or Source, or the Universe, I now realize that I am connected to everyone and everything. A Course in Miracles has been an amazing text for me that has completely shifted my awareness in my belief in separation, which is what led me to fear being by myself. It is only when we forget our connection to something greater than ourselves that we feel that sense of aloneness that we all dread.
I was blessed with several opportunities to experience being “alone”. One of my romantic relationships had dissolved, and I was forced to really sit with myself and re-discover myself. I took the time alone to figure out not just what went wrong in the relationship, but what it was that I wanted for my life in all areas. It was the first time that I truly asked myself some hard questions about the way I lived my life and how I planned to get to where I truly felt I wanted and deserved to be! It was at this time that I realized that being alone, without a relationship, gave me the chance to make myself stronger. I took the time to develop a relationship with myself! If we can’t enjoy spending time with ourselves, how can we expect that someone else would want to spend time with us?
One of my favourite quotes is from Adept Godrakpa: “If happiness hasn’t been recognized when alone, a group of people will be a cause of distraction”. Our happiness cannot be dependent on other people or other things. Being single shouldn’t be something that we view as some kind of plague. It does not make sense to force a relationship and be unhappy when we have a choice to be single and find happiness within. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love and appreciate being in the relationships that I am in, but my relationships have changed in amazing ways once I changed my relationship with myself. Once I learned that I had to love and honour myself before I could truly love and honour anyone else, things changed in ways I had never imagined. I love the people in my life unconditionally, but I also love myself unconditionally, and should I find myself alone, I know that no matter what, all is well! ♥
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