Repeating Cycles

May 4, 2015 Sandra Dawes

Have you ever had the same experience happen to you more than once? After it happens more than twice, my first nothing-ever-goes-away-until-pema-chodronthought used to be “why is this happening to me?” Now I know better. I now know that when a negative experience shows up in my life more than once, I didn’t learn the lesson the first time.

Though the realization can be a tough one, it gives me great comfort. It means that once I truly learn the lesson this experience is meant to teach me that I won’t have to repeat the lesson again. Figuring out the lesson isn’t always easy. It requires soul searching and complete honesty with yourself.

When negative experiences keep happening to you; whether it’s relationship issues, career issues or family matters – it can be easy to feel that the world is conspiring against you. I know that there was a time when I felt that I was constantly being punished for something, though I was never sure exactly what the transgression was.

The key is identifying and understanding the role you had to play in each of the negative experiences you have had. You’re not doing this to beat yourself up about things or make yourself feel worse. The point of this is to figure out what your contribution is to the experience because you are the only person you have control over!

The blame in any situation never falls on just one set of shoulders. Once you identify how you contributed to certain situations, you can commit to doing things differently in the future. Whether it’s about setting boundaries or finding the courage to speak up for yourself, there are things that are within your control. Working on those things is much more empowering than believing there’s nothing you can do to stop the cycle.

I’ve learned to consider repeated negative experiences as a wakeup call. It’s a sign to do things differently moving forward if I truly don’t want to experience the same things in a few months or a few years. It also helps to know that this is all part of the journey. All experiences, good and bad, are there to teach us more about ourselves. It’s up to us to decide what we take from the lessons or whether we pay attention to them at all. ♥

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