Finding the love you deserve

April 7, 2011 Sandra Dawes

Finding a life partner can be a daunting task.  Television and movies tell us that finding the “one” is a magical, almost mystical event.  Against all odds, boy and girl meet, fall in love and eventually live happily ever after.

The reality is that most of us don’t live the kinds of lives depicted on the big or small screen.  Internet dating has become a big money maker, as we are so busy that meeting someone online is a preferable option.  Whether you are looking for someone online, at a bar, speed-dating or a friendly “set-up’’, finding Mister or Miss Right can be a bit challenging.

A lot of us are being weighed down by what I like to call the “ghosts of relationships past.”  Letting go of the hurt feelings from prior relationships is not an easy thing.  If we’ve been cheated on, we ask ourselves (and the friends “lucky” enough to go through it with us) how we will ever trust someone again.  We often find ourselves sabotaging new relationships because of our inability to not punish the new person for the sins of our exes.  Are we able to be open to a new and wonderful relationship?

Some of us spend a lot of time thinking about all the things we DO NOT want in a partner.  What’s crazy is that the more we talk about what we don’t want in our lives, the more the unwanted stuff shows up!  We start believing that we are magnets for the undesirable and that God, the universe, or some great big bad out there is punishing us for sins we can’t remember.  If there are patterns in the relationships that you are experiencing, then maybe it is time to contemplate how to break the cycle.

Often we become so immobilized by our fear of being alone that we accept situations that are less than favourable or healthy in the name of preserving the relationship.  Another consequence of being afraid of or resisting singledom is not attracting the relationship that your heart desires.  When we find ourselves in either of these situations it is time to rethink our priorities as far as relationships are concerned.

Doctor Wane Dyer has a book entitled Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life and that phrase couldn’t be truer!  We really have to change our approach to finding love if we want long lasting, happy, peaceful relationships.  Being along is nothing to be afraid of!  What I’ve learned from A Course in Miracles is that to consider ourselves alone is a false reality and that God is with us at all times.  The thought that we are individuals separate from God, nature and one another is a false idea that the ego wants us to believe (an entire article on its own!).  The idea of separation is at the core of our unhappiness and lack of peace of balance in our lives.  When we learn to acknowledge our connection with God, and in doing so realize that you are never alone and connected to all living things, the urgency to find a spouse becomes less dire.  When we learn to love ourselves, we will become more loveable to our potential mates (A big Thank-You to Louise Hay for drilling that message into my head!).

Instead of focusing on the qualities in a mate that you do not want, try focusing on what you DO want!  Make a list of the qualities that you desire in a partner.  When talking to friends and family, speak about what your potential partner will be like; will he or she be ambitious? What about empathetic? How about athletic?  Whatever it is you desire in your life, start talking about it!  It doesn’t matter whether it is your future mate, career or home, the more energy you dedicate to the things you want in your life, the faster you will manifest them into your reality!

When looking at releasing the baggage of past relationships, forgiveness is a very important step.  Anyone who has done any self-improvement work knows that forgiveness is one of the most important steps that must be taken.  As far as romantic relationships are concerned, we need to learn how to forgive your ex as well as yourself.  Of course forgiveness doesn’t meant condoning any unhealthy aspects of past relationships, it simply means moving on and leaving the past in the past.  Forgiveness also doesn’t mean that you can’t take lessons away from the experience, and doing your best not to repeat the same mistakes.  When we haven’t learned the things life wants us to learn, we end up having to repeat the lessons until we do.

Attracting the love you deserve into your life requires work, an effort on your part that has nothing to do with signing up for Lava Life or eHarmony.  Here is my summary of 3 important steps based on my own experiences:

1. Focus on what you DO want, not what you DO NOT want

2. Find love, peace and happiness within; if you don’t enjoy spending time alone with yourself, who will?

3. Forgiveness of your past and yourself; learn, let go, move on

I’ve heard it said that there is someone for everyone.  I’m not sure whether that is true or not, but I do believe that we can all have the love we want and deserve in our lives when we are emotionally, spiritually and physically ready for it.  Anything is possible when we put our minds to it! ♥

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