In all the lessons I’ve learned thus far, the one that has challenged me the most is that of faith. I’ve had moments where I was full of faith, and other times where I struggle to surrender. Letting go and letting God is not something that comes easily to me.
I jokingly call myself a recovering control freak, but isn’t there something about a kernel of truth in every joke? The fact that there are things in life that are out of my control is a scary thing to acknowledge. Maybe it’s just me, but I find it easy to have faith when times are good, and a bit more difficult in challenging times. I automatically go into damage control mode. What do I need to do to make this situation better? In the past, my inability to surrender control, made it hard for me to even ask for help when I needed it. My inability to truly trust, and put my faith in others has been something that has worked to my detriment more times than I’d like to admit.
I couldn’t pinpoint exactly where the root in my challenges with faith comes from. I know that there are many examples in my life where things happened that were out of my control that benefited me. It isn’t lack of “proof” that still causes moments of worry, so what is it? Maybe it’s the fear that I’m pushing my luck, and one day things will stop working out the way they should? Perhaps it’s that I think that there’s some kind of limit to my blessings. Maybe, at the root of it all, I still have some doubts about whether or not I am worthy of being loved unconditionally by anyone, even God.
Whatever the causes are, I know that they are based in an illusion I have created in my mind. There is a part of me that is being very patient with me and my struggles with being able to surrender. I know that everything is working out for my higher good. I just need to hold on to that belief when things don’t work out the way I want them to!
Now more than ever, I understand the importance of the words of the Serenity Prayer. The fact that it’s called the Serenity Prayer makes complete sense to me. Imagine how serene life is when you stop worrying about things that are out of your control and focus your energy on doing something about the other stuff! That is where I want to be. I want to be able to surrender completely and wear life like a loose fitting garment rather than an extra tight corset!
What do you do to strengthen your faith? I would love to hear from those of you who are strong and certain in your faith as well as those of you who struggle sometimes, like me 🙂