Cutting ties

March 18, 2018 Sandra Dawes

Some ties are easier to cut than others. When it comes to family, there can be lots of guilt and judgement from others from making the decision to remove yourself from situation that is no longer (and maybe never has been) healthy for you. When I went to therapy after my dad died, I remember the advice of the therapist I saw – she said that it was okay if I never spoke to a certain family member again. It was such an emotional insight for me, especially since everyone in my family was telling me something different.

This isn’t a post to talk about my issues with that family member. It’s about realizing the importance of setting boundaries and taking care of yourself regardless of what others may think of your choices. Cutting ties with someone, whether it’s a friend, lover or family member isn’t something that should be taken lightly. If you do a Google search, you’ll find an abundance of articles talking about signs it’s time to distance yourself, what to expect when it happens and even discussion boards talking about the pros and cons of doing it.

Even with the advice from that therapist almost 14 years ago, I still tried to make the relationship work. The problem was that it never seemed to be enough. As someone who has suffered with self-esteem and self-confidence issues, it was a constant trigger for me.

I know where it comes from, and I understand that they don’t know better. I also know I can’t make them want to know better or do better. The only thing that I can control is what I say and how I act. As I get older, I realize that I am the only one in charge of my own happiness. I have to do what’s right for me.

This isn’t to say that this will be permanent. Anything can happen. I just know that for right now, the best thing for me to do is to keep my distance. There will be people who don’t get it and say that I’m being selfish. If you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you’ll remember that I wrote a blog a few years ago about the idea that I believe selfishness is a gift to others. At this point it’s not about what other people think. It’s about doing what’s right for me.

Have you ever had to cut ties with someone? Share your thoughts, comments and experiences in the comments! ♥

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